Abuse can be performed either physically or emotionally, and both types can have negative affect on families and children. Not only does abuse affect the person suffering from it, but it can also scar those forced to watch it and live with it at home. For years growing up Trudy Metzger faced domestic abuse by the hand of her father and it affected the way she saw herself and other men in her life.
Through the years Metzger eventually learned to deal with her pain and with the help of her husband, their five children and her faith she was able to overcome her fears and demons.
Metzger, who lives in Elmira, is holding a two-day seminar and talk for women about how to deal with family abuse called “Set Free to Dance Again” at the Woodside Bible Fellowship Nov. 11 and 12.
Starting on the Friday Metzger will tell her childhood story up to the age of 13.
“It is very violent. I am not graphic but I don’t hold back or make it better than it was. When I was younger I experienced a lot of sexual abuse,” she said. “I talk about how the violence in my home and upbringing impacted me and how I dealt with the constant fear and how that made me a very strong resilient and determined little girl.”
Metzger had the chance to face her father before he passed away and the two of them spoke about the violence he inflicted on her and the rest of the family.
“This ended my relationship with my father on a good note but it did not erase the years of hell that I went through,” she said. “(My father) applauded who I had become in my life with my husband, Tim, and our children.”
The next day of the event Metzger will continue her story, explaining how she accepted faith into her life.
She left home at the age of 15 running away from the violence and her fears of what she might do to her father if it continued.
“Even though I was not violent by nature I had a breaking point and it felt like it was going to bring out the worst in me. I would find myself thinking and plotting things in my head which was creating a generational thing and I couldn’t stay in that world any longer.”
For the next two years she created hell for herself and the world she lived in and made some really bad choices. She would have troubles dealing with young men, sex and abuse.
“I let myself be victimized because I didn’t know I have a voice and I explore the silent anger and rebellion that I went through in my talk,” said Metzger. “You can only run so far so fast until you hit a brick wall.”
Metzger hit her wall when she found herself living with a drug dealer in Fort Wayne, Indiana and found out he was an ex-con and was constantly lying to her.
“Eventually we ended up living in Kitchener for a bit and he had a job opportunity in the States and I was not allowed to go cross the border with him so he left me and I called my older brother to come pick me up,” she said.
It would be the family she ran from that eventually started to help her heal all the years of pain.
Her family accepted her back with open arms and it was her little brother who would play a huge role in her coming back to faith when during one Christmas he asked to sing a song called ‘Neither Do I Condemn You.’
“I remember thinking at that point the song was speaking to me. Jesus is not here to judge me he is here to love me,” said Metzger. “This was a dramatic shift in how I saw God because up to that point God was the violent image my father had portrayed and suddenly I am seeing a Jesus that is not judging and it is not about what I have done but that he loves me. It was such a radical shift that transformed my life.”
Metzger will be joined on the Saturday by Guelph native and model Alicia Smith, who will do a talk called Beauty Redefined and she will discuss what society sees beauty as and how women who have been abused see themselves. She will also discuss how she was judged and treated in the modeling world.
“We need to first see ourselves as beautiful on the inside and that will reflect on the outside,” said Metzger.
The final talk of the weekend called Unleashing the Next Generation: A New Legacy will be a discussion about the importance of what it takes to stand against generational violence.
“We are talking about overcoming violence and abuse but even if you haven’t been exposed to that you still have pain to deal with and we should be able to talk about that in a church.”
This is the third event Metzger has held in the past year.
“It is a very emotional time for these women but it is a good emotion as you see doors opening for the first time for these women and you can’t heal until you first feel your own pain,” she said. “The responses have been overwhelming. Everybody connects with pain and I have received nothing but thanks and I continue to meet with some of the women you have attended the past talks.”
There will be counselors present during the two day event to help women who need a follow-up.
“Sometimes confronting these emotions, if they don’t then pursue resolution, can cause more damage,” said Heidi Konig, director of connecting at Woodside Bible Fellowship. “This is not going to solve their problems coming to this weekend it is just a first step and we will connect them to people who can walk them through their pain.”
There is an early bird fee of $45 to attend the event and tickets will be available at the door for $60. Registration begins at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 11.
“We give them a safe place to feel, experience, acknowledge and then move forward,” said Metzger.
“Don’t be afraid to face your pain but don’t ever do it alone. Anyone dealing with this type of pain should contact either a counselor, a pastor or a trusted family member going through it alone is very dangerous.”
